Kids Say the Smartest Things

This morning, as I was lying in bed with the kids chatting about what we'd do for the rest of the day, David [the younger one whose 3] came out of nowhere and said, "Mommy, I'm a good boy, because I make you happy. I make you smile." I couldn't help but smile and kiss him. That's the smartest thing I've ever heard. LOL

I'll keep this one short, sweet and simple. ;)

The Curse of the In-laws

Most of you have them, admit it. The set of in-laws that drive you up the walls. Mine are a pain to deal with! I have a mother-in-law that constantly undermines our authority as parents in front of our children, IE. Me: Jacob, clean up your toys so we can eat lunch. Her: Let him do what he wants. Jacob, keep playing if you please.

Essentially, that means, if they have spent a day with her, they return home like little savage kids that refuse to follow rules. They challenge everything I say--everything. I know, the typical advice, just talk to her and lay down some ground rules, right? WRONG! This woman is so manipulative, she will twist and turn all your words around until you just give up. When me or my husband brings up the fact that she doesn't need to discipline the children, because as the grandparent, it is her right to spoil them, but, at the very least, if we need to discipline them, let us do OUR job. She just goes off on a whole rampage about how we're trying to tell her to get  out of our lives, how we're trying to deny her the right to see her grandchildren, how we're unappreciative bastards because she is trying to help us but we're always yelling at her for it.

It's just ridiculous. How do you argue with that? A typical conversation of such goes like this:

Me: I know you want to spoil them when you spend time with them, and that's fine, but don't give them the impression that our words don't matter.

Her: What do you mean?

Me: Well, everytime we tell them to do something or try to explain why they shouldn't be doing something you always jump in and say they're just kids, they don't know any better, leave it alone. Yes, they are kids, but on the contrary, they understand a lot. They will take advantage of your making excuses for them and use it against us.

Her: So, what are you trying to say? I'm a bad grandmother?

Me: No, absolutely not. I'm just saying, I wish you would stop interfering the way you do when we need to discipline our children. They DO need to learn. The foundational morals and values are implimented at a young age, like, now.

Her: If you want me out of your lives, just say so. Why can't you just come out and say it?

Me: But, that's not what I want...

So on, and so forth. You get the idea. It's always a dreadful feeling when she comes over and decides to take the kids out. I know they're going to leave as angels and come back as monsters.

On top of this, I am a full-time student, that still has to fulfill the duties of a housewife. Sure, my husband helps out every now and then, but, minimally. It's not easy going to class, coming home to cook, clean, take care of the kids, and still manage to finish my readings and papers on time. It's REALLY difficult, now the added stress of "I-just-spent-the-day-with-grandma syndrome" it absolutely drives me nuts.

I have a sister-in-law that I confided in early on in our relationship, but have discovered to be a two-faced b*tch. I have a know-it-all brother-in-law that likes to completely undermine everyone's intelligence. [When I had my second child, my first child was 15 months old. My brother-in-law was taking a cihld development class, and thought he knew so much about child development that he started throwing all these milestone expectations at me. When I replied that I knew and added to HIS knowledge, he looked at me with a stunned face and asked, "How do you know?" With a very heavy emphasis on the 'YOU.' HELLO!! I have a 15 month old. I read up on so many articles that give so many more details than his 600$ course gives!] My mother-in-laws entire family started this rumor that I like to go out and party while I leave my children home to starve. [My older son had a problem eating when he was young. He used to throw up a lot, so he was underweight.] Meanwhile, everyone knew that ever since I had my first child, I barely ever left the house. I was so lonely at that time. I had no friends, no help, nothing. I didn't even have so much as 15 minutes to take a complete shower. Much less mani-pedi day. Or a brunch with the girlfriends. NOTHING.

It was only since we decided to put the kids in daycare because they seemed so anti-social that I decided to go back to school and pursue a career, that my mental health started picking back up again. I started feeling less insignificant. I started to feel like I was part of society again.

Anyway,how many of you have crazy in-laws like mine? How do you cope with them?

That Feeling that Never leaves

This morning, when I woke the kids up for school, they climbed into my bed to just cuddle with me for a little while before we all got up [which usually happens the mornings I don't have class]. So, I had one on my right and the other on my left. Suddenly this surge of emotion came running through my body and all the way to my heart, it was that brand new feeling of being a parent.

Every now and then, that feeling just comes back to me. It always happens the same way. I look at their face and realize they're still such tiny kids, and in my heart, forever my babies. Then, I look into their eyes and I run my hand over their face to feel the flesh of it--to reassure me that it's real. It's not some long dream I've been having for the past couple of years. Immediately after, I would just hug them REALLY tight to just feel their bodies close to me. I feel the warmth of it, the flesh of it, and I still can't believe we made them. Our genes came together and created something new, and we raised them to be what they are.

I'll admit, there are days where I feel like I want to just lock myself in a room and completely shut them out because they just drive me up the walls. I think every parent eventually goes through that. For a moment, you fall into a crack and sort of lose your mind, as you wonder, what do I do? What did I do wrong? Why is it like this? But, you pick yourself back up and tell yourself, YOU DEAL WITH IT! You are the parent, and you can never give up on your child. In extreme cases [when the child is much older and is capable of taking care of themselves but won't], you have to, in a sense, physically abandon them to make sure you don't abandon them emotionally. Like, if you have a 20 something year old son, that still refuses to take care of himself, you have to leave him on his own so he learns his independence and stops relying on you, because you need to realize, you won't always be around. Natural course of events say so. Anyway, my point is, parenting is no picnic. You have your good days and you have your bad, just like anyone else. But as a parent, you NEVER give up. You never WANT to give up. You constantly beat yourself up, asking what did I do wrong? You are constantly wondering what you can do better. You are constantly thinking how to do things better so that you can prevent certain things from happening [again].

Parenting never gets any easier. Some people think it gets easier with age. I don't think that's true. It only gets easier in that they're not as physically demanding toward you anymore, which, ironically, is what parents would miss the most.

That feeling that keeps coming back, the one where I am amazed at our creation, is a constant reminder that these children depend on us to shape and mold them. It's a constant reminder, for me, to be appreciative of the joy that have brought to me. It's a constant reminder that I need them as much as they need me. It's a constant reminder of how much I love them.

It's a weird feeling, though. It's such a reality check. It's like when I get that feeling, I feel like it's a brand new thing again. It doesn't occur to me that I've been doing this every single day for the last four and a half years. It doesn't occur to me that we were in the same place just yesterday. I look at their face, and I feel like I'm seeing it for the first time, yet there's a quality of familiarity to it. It's REALLY weird!

Being a parent seems, to many people, like such a boring, in and out routine thing. People feel like once you have a kid, your life is basically over. That's why so many people don't want to have children. It is a lot of work, no doubt about that. You do sacrifice a lot of things, no doubt about THAT. But, I don't know. You don't resent it. You don't regret it. I do these things happily. Sure, I reminisce about the simpler days when I just had to worry about myself--when having to be at work by 10 meant I could wake up at 9 and be out of the house in 15 minutes or less, whereas now, to be somewhere by a certain time, I must wake up that much earlier because I have to get the kids ready, too. It doesn't bother me though. Sure, it's tiring, but it's also fulfilling.

I love being a mother, even with the hardships and complications it brings. If I could change one thing about our lives right now, I would want to have more money, so we could have the resources to bring the kids EVERYWHERE! Well, and also to hire the occasional babysitter so we can have some mommy & daddy fun. ;)

Anyway, this was a really random and unplanned note. It was just something I had to write down. You wouldn't really understand this note, fully, unless you're a parent yourself.